Becoming comfortable with my discipline style
First published on Essential Baby – July 11th, 2014
n the days following Philip Seymour Hoffman’s death, an article written by Russell Brand, addressing his ongoing struggle with drug addiction, was passed around the internet as we all tried to make sense of what had happened.
That article was startling. My life has never been touched by addiction. I do not have an addiction problem, nor has anyone close to me. But in it, I recognised the obsession, in the true meaning of the word: the inability of the mind to let go of the thoughts that once ruled his life.
For Brand it was heroin addiction. For me it was anxiety. And it still is.
To the outsider, sufferers of anxiety just look like worriers. We are taunted with well-meaning comments: “Look on the bright side! Don’t worry, be happy!” As if we don’t want to be happy.
But when I think about the good things in my life, I’m overwhelmed with thoughts of losing it all. Losing my loved ones. That I am disappointing everyone with my ‘issues’. Even my happy moments are ruined because I know they are but a moment. Memories, both good and bad, are painful.
I wander around my daily comings and goings, analysing the tiny details over and over. I’m trying to figure out how not to be so anxious, how to fill my days with nothing but things that bring happiness.
So the planning starts. Planning is the anxious person’s hit. It feels good to be in control…